Defending Dean

My name is Rob. I'm a 39-year-old dude, and I love Dean Forester from the Gilmore girls. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some Jared Padalecki stalker. I'm not IN LOVE with the guy. I know Dean is just a character on a TV show; albeit the best TV show ever.

It seems to me that Dean has got a really raw deal in the Gilmore girls fandom. With the revival on the horizon, I feel it is my duty as Dean's self-proclaimed wingman, and a Gilmore girls superfan, to have my boy's back.

 

The three biggest complaints I read about Dean:

1- He's too clingy.
2- He doesn't support Rory/ He holds her back.
3- He cheated on his wife to be with Rory

 

Let me explore each of these points individually.

 

He's too clingy. To quote Buffy the Vampire Slayer's Xander, "On behalf of my gender, hey!" I challenge anyone to site an example of Dean being clingy BEFORE Jess enters the picture. Prior to Jess, Dean, it's true, was devoted to Rory. He truly enjoyed spending all his time with her. He made sure he was always available to her, and that she was aware of this availability. He thought about her all the time. He built her a car. He defended her honor against tools like Tristan Douche-grey. He read and enjoyed Emma and other books that Rory suggested, as well as recommended Rory read Hunter Thompson. (Let us not forget that Dean was written to be a lot more bookish, pre-Jess.) Simply put, Dean was head-over-heels in love with Rory, and she adored him for his devotion. Dean wore his love for her on his sleeve, much to his own detriment later on.

 

Then came Jess; and who can blame Dean for being jealous and freaking out?  The writing on the wall was obvious to everyone,  especially Rory's passionate devotee. Dean held on for dear life the only way he knew how- by showering Rory with more and more attention. He was a young guy desperately in love with an incredible, one-of-a-kind girl who challenged him, inspired him and excited him in a way he was sure he'd never feel again if he lost her.

 

Dean doesn't support Rory/ Holds her back. What a load of BS. "She WILL go to Yale, and if she doesn't it won't be because of me." We all remember when Dean says this to Lorelai in Season 1. He proves it time and time again. Dean is always understanding about Rory's crazy workload. He never pressures her, but always makes himself available to her. Honestly, the guys a frickin' saint for how understanding he is. He constantly puts himself on her schedule. There is only one instance when Dean becomes frustrated at being ditched for the umpteenth time and acts like a total jerk. In the episode Hammers and Veils, Dean throws a tantrum when Rory says she can't see him on a day she has promised. He quickly realizes he was a jerk- Rory realizes she acted rashly, as well- and apologizes for his asinine behavior.

 

Dean cheats on his wife. Okay. No way around it, this is a huge screw-up. Dean cheats on Lindsay to be with Rory, and that sucks. However,  one thing that always chaps my butt about this argument is that Rory is never held to the same level of criticism as Dean. It takes two to tango, after all. Rory is every bit as guilty as Dean, yet she is never held accountable, while Dean is painted as a monster.

My defense of Dean on this point is never popular, but hey, when have I ever concerned myself with popularity?

 

Dean was a naive young man in love with a remarkable young woman. When Rory stomps on his heart during the Jess ordeal (wherein she cheated on Dean, btw), Dean's whole world is thrown off its axis. That boy loved Rory so deeply he couldn't imagine a future without her. He couldn't see how he'd ever meet someone as unique and amazing, who made him feel a love so deep, ever again. So he made a really bad choice- he settled. He settled for Lindsay; a beautiful, intelligent,  sweet young girl who seemed to really care about him. She appreciated his devotion, and, most importantly, she dulled the pain of the prospect of life without Rory. Dean found solice...and then he proceeded to make a slew of horrible life decisions.

 

He gets married to a girl who will never be more than his second choice. He cuts back on his college courses. He takes time off from college. He works more and more while Lindsay apparently stays home and concocts ideas to spend money. All of these things, I would point out, he does because he is still that same guy who puts the needs of the woman he cares about ahead of his own. He does all this for Lindsay.

 

It's obvious from even before the wedding, that Dean is still in love with Rory, and maybe always will be. So when opportunities arise to spend time with her, he eagerly pounces on them. When the chance to sleep with Rory presents itself, it's never even a question.

Should Dean have handled this situation better? Absolutely.  He should have been straight with Lindsay right away. Unfortunately there's no instruction manual for matters of the heart. He had already been burned by his love for Rory, and he was scared to give up what he had for a chance at something he'd already lost once before.

 

For those folks who think Dean's motivation for what he did was sex...you must have been reading or baking or something while you watched the entire series.  Dean screwed up monumentally,  but he did it for love.

 

What does Dean get in return for his love and devotion to Rory the second time around? Another epic heartbreak, after getting treated like dirt. Again.

 

I'm team Dean, but not in the way you'd expect. I want Dean back for the revival, but in my dream world Rory will end up with Jess, and Dean will have found an awesome girl who encouraged him to finish school and live up to his potential. She'll treat him with all the respect and love he deserves, he will love her passionately, and they will live happily ever after.

 

I have no doubt team Palladino will take care of my boy Dean.