7 Reasons Why I Hate Christopher Hayden, and Why You Should, Too

7 Reasons Why I Hate Christopher Hayden, and Why You Should, Too

 

Christopher isn't exactly anyone's favorite Gilmore girls character.  He's seen by all but a (misguided? confused? insane?) few, as just one of many obstacles standing between Luke and Lorelai. However, a few of us true believers hate Christopher with a deep, passionate loathing. Let's take a closer look at why I hate Christopher's ass-face guts, and why you should too.

1. He ‘s a shitty dad.
   The first time we meet Christopher, he comes roaring into Stars Hollow on his motorcycle. Rory is, of course, overjoyed to see her dad.  Lorelai…not so much.  During their exchange Lorelai asks Chris what brings him to town. He replies that he was “just passing through” on his way to see his parents, so he thought he’d drop in on the Gilmore girls. What. An. Asshole. This casual statement has to hurt Rory on some level. To Chris, Rory is simply an afterthought. It was convenient for him to swing by, so he did.
    
   We find out in the next episode that this is the first time Christopher has EVER been to Stars Hollow. His nearly 16-year-old daughter has lived there since she was a toddler, and he has never visited. This is the moment that created- and perpetuates- my lifelong hate of Chris.
    
   He’s missed birthdays, doctor’s appointments, and all her firsts. He’s missed every lost tooth. He’s missed Christmas after Christmas. Now that Rory’s grown and the work of raising her is done, he wants to swoop in and be her buddy.  Dick.
    
2. He’s only around when things are good between him and Lorelai.
   When Christopher comes to town, you can bet he’s going to spend most of his time trying to get with Lorelai. During the aforementioned first visit to Stars Hollow, he takes advantage of Lorelai’s vulnerability after she gets an emotional beat-down from her parents. On another trip he lies to both Lorelai and Rory about his flourishing business and proposes to a flabbergasted Lorelai. Yet another time he sleeps with Lorelai and then proceeds to crush the girls’ hope that he is going to stick around for once.
    
   Worse yet, Christopher consistently cuts Rory out whenever he and Lorelai are on the outs.
    
3. He’s always letting Rory down.
   It might be in one of a million small ways, like promising Rory a book he can’t actually buy. At other times he disappoints her monumentally, like when he gets Rory’s hopes up that he and her mom are going to get back together, or when he promises Rory he’ll stay away from Lorelai and then immediately breaks that promise. Christopher can always be counted on- to not be counted on.
    
4. Every time he comes to town he fucks shit up for Lorelai.
   As mentioned above, Christopher takes advantage of an emotional Lorelai on his first trip to Stars Hollow; this on the night that Lorelai was supposed to be helping Luke paint. From that moment on, he leaves Lorelai a wreck of hurt feelings and confusion after every visit.
    
5. He’s the “adult” version of Logan.
   ‘Nuff said.
    
6. He’s even more of a douche when he inherits big money.
   Christopher was only 90% worthless butthole before he inherits millions of dollars. The dough simply closes that last 10%. Throwing money around like a pimp, now he is not only worthless, but arrogant and condescending as well. Beauty.
    

       7.  He’s a terrible influence on Lorelai.
           Talking Lorelai into getting married without              Rory there is despicable, and unforgivable.


 


Liking Christopher is cause for admittance to an institution. Simply dismissing him as an annoyance isn’t enough. A pure hate of Chris is all that will do. Join me, won’t you?